I often wonder how my life would be different based on small and big events in my life. If I didn’t join cross country freshmen year, I definitely wouldn’t have the friends I love now. Athletics put an amount of pressure on me that I could never have imagined. This pressure altered my image of myself and increased feelings of anxiety. If I went into a different sport, I would have a different group of friends and I strongly believe that you’re environment and choice of people you surround yourself with severely shape who you are. How about if I took an drawing arts class instead of choir? There are so many combinations of choices I’ve made that forked into the life I live now. I can’t change these decisions I’ve made. I can’t reverse them. And yet a choice I can still make haunts me.
I work up to twenty-five hour work weeks while maintaining an academic schedule filled with challenging classes that I’ve chosen for myself. Two of my coworkers are a year older than me but are enrolled in adult school. Two of my classmates tested out of high school sophomore year and are taking classes in community college. I’m still enrolled in the tradition school system and I’m afraid it’s could be holding me back. My long-term future is all I’m looking forward to but the present I live in seems counterproductive. During the summer I happily volunteered at the Aquarium of the Pacific, while working, taking an online class, and making progress on AP summer assignments. I was busy but fulfilled and every action I took had a tangible purpose.
The school year has gone into full swing and nothing I do seems to have a reason. I stay up for hours to complete outlines on U.S. history just to retain no information and fall asleep in my french class. I don’t have the time to study for tests and no one to help because I have no time to get help. I don’t want to miss out on social aspects of high school by enrolling in college courses/adult school but aren’t I missing out now without any benefits? I currently have 98% in a class I don’t take notes or even pay attention in. The homework feels like a waste of time. The infamous six-hour school day isn’t a responsibility anymore but a burden.