The way I see it, there are 3 different types of conversations: the ones you welcome, the ones you’re afraid of, and the ones you can never have. In my head, I play out these forbidden conversations. But the words can never travel further than the inner workings of my mind. One conversation that never fails to boil my blood and fry my brain is over religion. I don’t agree with everything the Catholic Church preaches. However, I love the people at my church and I believe everyone needs an anchor of some sort as a moral compass.
For those who don’t know, there are seven sacraments that everyone should receive for a “fulfilled religious life”. One of these sacraments is the Sacrament of Confirmation which is when a person commits to the church out of their own free will. Unfortunately, it’s not exactly free will anymore. Parents force their kids and the kids treat it as a final obstacle before they are free to ditch mass and have “religious freedom” (in this case, the freedom to have no religion).
I started out Confirmation happy. My church holds many retreats and functions that I’ve been a part of as a participant and/or a leader. After I’m confirmed I will have more opportunities to take part of these events solely as a mentor to the new students. But, now, in year two of my journey, my faith is shaking. The church has become a place of hate. Broadcasted religious speakers are abusing their voices. This long arm of media can help spread the loving word of God but instead all I’ve ever heard is cheering over who has been excommunicated and what we aren’t allowed to do or think.
I’m not happy. I’m not going through Confirmation to enrich my spiritual life. I feel as though instead of receiving a sacramental rite, I’m sacrificing my right to think for myself and be vocal about these thoughts. I’m half-assing my way through because this ceremony will make my 94-year-old grandma happy. This isn’t for myself anymore. Two years of dedication towards steering my faith on the right path and I’ve never felt more lost. Isn’t that sad?